Hey Friends! It’s Kayla, host of Mothering Together with ADHD. If you’ve read anything on the internet, then you know that morning routines are the key to all of life’s successes (and failures). Or… at least that’s what the folks selling self-help books want you to think.
If you’re like me, you have a love-hate relationship with your morning routine. Maybe you love the idea of a morning rhythm, but the actuality of hopping out of bed when your alarm clock goes off isn’t exactly giving you the warm fuzzy feeling you wish you had.
Maybe you’d love to have warm breakfast on the table for your kids, but your baby wakes you up three times a night and you could really use that extra hour before someone is ripping off your shirt saying “boob-bee.”
Mornings are just harder when you have ADHD
Let’s face it. mornings are harder for ADHD folks. Why? Because we tend to have more resistance to going to bed, a harder time staying asleep, and we’re more likely to have sleep disturbances (according to this study).
It’s extra hard to go to bed after a long day mothering
On days when all you’ve done is give – give – give, sometimes we get into this cycle of revenge bedtime procrastination. Where we fill our after-bedtime time with all of our “for us” activities (e.g., scrolling ticktack and socials) instead of laying down in bed and getting some much needed rest.
But, without a doubt, mornings are easier with routine
As and ADHDer, I have a love-hate relationship with routine. Like Dr. Daniel Segel explains, there’s a river of wellbeing between the shores of rigidity and chaos. I oftentimes find myself ricocheting from one shore to the next, instead of floating along in the happy medium of wellbeing.
If you’re living on the shore of chaos, you have a “whatever happens happens” attitude and you wake up when you can, get things done as you think of them, and get out the door as soon as you can with no fewer than 10 trips back inside for that thing you just remembered.
If you’re living on the shores of rigidity, you have hyper-focused on a schedule for the morning. You have your life planned out in 5 minute increments and as soon as your kiddos decide to dilly dally on something your whole schedule is ruined.
Today, we’re going to plan a morning routine that is flexible and predictable for you and your munchkins
Here’s where I share a book I read and you roll your eyes and say “oh Kayla, you and your self-help books.” This one is pretty good though. It’s called Essentialism and the author, Greg McKeown, helps you to think about what really matters?
We spend so much time on things that do not matter. Especially with ADHD. We do and re-do things when we don’t have the proper supports in place to make our lives more efficient and organized.
So here’s your question: what are the essentials in your morning routine? and I do mean essential. I’m going to ask you to question whether or not you really need to shower every single morning OR if you could MAYBE take a shower at night.
Here’s what I find essential for me (we’ll get to our kids next):
- Getting dressed
- Brushing my hair
- BB Cream, undereye concealer, eyelash curler, and mascara
- brushing my teeth
- eating something with protein
Here’s what I find essential for my kids:
- getting dressed
- brushing their teeth
- eating something with protein
- connection time to make sure they feel loved
ACTION ITEM: Take a moment, jot down what you think are the essential components to your morning.
So part of our ADHD magik is that we sometimes, maybe, get a little hyperfocused on the planning and don’t get super successful wit the execution. Sound familiar? That’s because task initiation and persistence are two executive functions that may be weaker in folks with ADHD.
You need a plan for the plan!
Here are some questions you need to answer as you plan.
- What will cue you to remember that you’re making this change?
- What visual prompt can you set up in your environment to set you up for success?
- Who will help you to stay accountable to this change?
What will cue you to remember that you’re making this change?
Raise your hand if you’ve ever spent over an hour planning out a change you’d like to make, but then completely forgot about it?
If you’re making a change to your morning routine (and you have kiddos), then you’ll probably want to make a visual schedule to remind you (and your kids) that there’s a certain order to your tasks.
You don’t need to get too particular or perfectionistic about your visual schedule. You can draw on some blank paper and post that picture somewhere where you and your kids can reference it.
If your kiddos are readers, go ahead and just write words. If they’re not, you can write the words for you and doodle for yourself.
You might also use your hand to make a physical reminder of your routine. My kids know that we have a “morning 5.” We use our hands to act out all five actions as we go through the routine.
Bonus tip: Make a playlist with songs related to the order of your kiddo’s routine.
NEXT ACTION: create a visual schedule for you and your kids to follow in the morning
What visual prompt can you set up in your environment to set you up for success?
As I mentioned above, a visual schedule is really important to me as an ADHDer.
I really like using photos to help me find my way through a routine with less stress and more focus.
Consider creating a photo album on your phone with a picture fo each step of your routine.
NEXT ACTION: create a photo album visual schedule for your routine if you’d prefer a digital visual support
Who will help you to stay accountable to this change?
We all have different motivation when we’re making a change. For me, unfortunately, I have a hard time making a change that solely benefits me.
If that’s you, then consider adding accountability in one of these ways:
- Tell your kids about the change and convince yourself that this routine is for their wellbeing
- Ask your partner for support and accountability
- Find a fellow ADHD friend and make this shift together
NEXT ACTION: Reach out to your accountability buddy
Summary
A morning routine is only good if it feels good. If you find that your mornings feel rigid or full of stress, consider making shifts in your wake-up time. Usually, a little more time for transitions will help everyone to function just a little bit better.
Today we talked about figuring out what’s essential, adding visual supports, and building in accountability. hopefully these three things will help you to have smooth mornings as we head into fall.